It would appear from the few responses that many Kenyan women are content with the manner in which they conduct their relations with the opposite sex. It’s sad that those who refuse to take direction are often the first ones to complain about their single status; I cannot count how many times I’ve heard a number of Kenyan women moan that there are no nice men out there. However, if you wish to avoid the deluded mass or those in denial and want to catapult yourself into a happier and more fruitful relationship, I share the next five gems that Ugandan ladies possess vis-à-vis their Kenyan sisters.
Alcohol has become a major part of our lifestyles. The need for human beings to belong to certain social classes (albeit heathen) has been met by the partaking of strong, medium and lethal drinks: different poisons for different folks. Alcohol differs in quality, price, potency and…gender. It’s important to know the QPPGs (Quality Price Potency Gender) of alcohol. I however wish to focus on the latter, the gender. When a guy asks you to go for drinks the QPPGs is very crucial. Ugandan women cleverly avoid the second P (potency) so not to ‘regret’ the evening and stay in control. Kenyan women, on the other hand, only focus on the double Ps (price and potency) of the QPPG system, ignoring both the quality and gender. Drinks do have a gender. If a man takes you out for drinks never ever never order for beer. The QPPG dictates that a lady should order wine, champagne, gin, sherry, rum or cream liquor. These drinks reaffirm your femininity and the man automatically responds to it. Ugandan ladies never order ‘masculine drinks’…yes, you may enjoy drinking a beer and that is your right BUT not when you go out, you are free to drink so in the privacy of your own house. I can see eyebrows raised, mouths wide open and heads bopping so I ask this: why do you wear a stoking over your head in the house then remove it when leaving the house? I thought so! The need to style up your palates in public is equally as important.
A number of Kenyan women often complain they lack a companion. Being single has become a way of life for some for they can never find the ‘ideal partner’. The ‘knight in shining armour’ bullshit is stuck in their heads and they sit and wait for him to come. If you are one of these deluded types, WAKE UP! The reason you are single is because you are stuck up and refuse to be receptive to men’s flirtation. Flirting is a very innocent way of getting to know another beyond mundane banter. Sadly, Kenyan women are allergic to flirting! They totally avoid it (unless drunk) or shoot you down when you attempt it because they believe it always leads to something…but I ask, isn’t that idea? If you want something to lead to nothing then be happy with nothing and stop moaning that you are single! Ugandan women are not only receptive to flirting but gladly partake of this social necessity. Kenyan women need to understand that flirting is okay. In fact it shows that you have self-confidence and are ‘with it’. Who wants a boring stuck in the mud partner. Next time a guy throws a line at you don’t shoot him down or avoid it (that is so rural), reciprocate with a wittier line and walk away…it shall leave the oga happy and wanting more.
Accents define who we are and where we are from. Your accent is the pride of your culture, your belonging and your essence. A familiar accent when abroad can draw two strangers closer but a strange accent when at home can alienate you as a stranger. Ugandans have their own unique accents, whether you are from the North, East, West, South or Central particular pronunciations and intonations controls one tongue. It becomes a part of you and one eventually warms up to it. As I watched Project Fame I appreciated the different accents that the Rwandese, Ugandans and the one Kenyan (Steve) brought to the show. Steve impressed me thoroughly because he was proud and confident enough to speak with a ‘naked’ tongue. Sadly the Kenyan sista tried to convince us that Mombasa was sharing a border with the USA with that her accent. But we can’t blame her as this is a very common trait amongst Kenyan women. In Uganda, the psychological need to mask ones heritage is very rare amongst their ladies. One may have a heavy accent when they speak English but they understand that a lady, an African lady, is worth more than the manner in which she speaks; her essence is in the way she carries herself, the confidence she oozes and the panache she expels. A fake accent can never equate those traits. Faking an accent shows a lack of confidence, a lack of self-awareness, a lack of self-appreciation and lack of a lack of honesty. So please appreciate who you are, where you are from and speak not to impress but to communicate. The reasons I often get for this phenomenon is that the individuals have spent 2 years in the UK or in the US but my retort is always the same: ‘If they spent 2 years in India, would they have an Indian accent?’One of the best but most controversial manners that Ugandans ladies practice is kneeling. Even though it shall conjure a huge uproar, I highly recommend that Kenyan women too adopt this trait. Some may perceive it as demeaning or as ‘worshiping a man’ but it’s all to do with respect, nothing more, but respect. This open display of humility sets Ugandans apart from the rest of East Africa and in return elicits a lifestyle elevation. Am sure if Kenyan women begun kneeling when they meet their partners (in public or private), when serving their partners food , when receiving gifts from their partners or even when asking their partner for some money to go to the salon their lifestyles would truly change for the better. It’s not capitulation of independence or self-derogation, it’s the elevation of the one you love and he, in reciprocation, shall elevate you too in magnanimity. It’s a bi-directional process similar to the popular cliché ‘smile & the world will smile with you’... I’ve never heard anyone argue “Why should I smile first, why can’t the world smile with me first?” Respect is not a competition, so get on them knees and your world is bound to change.
Lastly, I only beg you to learn how to speak softly. Shouting in social places and laughing like a midget is jumping on your lungs is totally unacceptable. In Uganda, Kenyan women are known for their notorious vocal range. I overheard a Ugandan lady once say ‘Those Kenyan girls are so loud I pity their men, no wonder they can never hear us when we speak to them, they are deaf banange.’ Social mannerisms define you and classify you to a particular tier, so even if you have financial independence or educational excellence your loud shrieking voice and Neanderthal laughter efface all those qualities.